A year passes by...

It's been a while since I’ve xanga'd (?), and for good reason. Every night I get my xanga subscription and I read about half of all of them. You might be asking yourself, "why only half?" and "How do you decide which ones to read?"

Simple, I read the ones that will actually enrich my life. No matter how miniscule that might seem. I don't necessarily want to hear a summary of how a person's day went, every day. Granted, if I haven't seen or talked to someone in a long time, it's a nice refresher to see what the person has been up to.

But I think xanga is more then that, and not just xanga, any web log. People should post stuff that is more meaningful.

I'm not saying what people do everyday is not meaningful, and I don't want to read it, on the contrary, I like to keep up with people's lives. But When they write their daily summaries, it would be nice to have a little more depth to the writing, not just what happened, but why it is of any relevance, if it had an impact on the way they thought or if they realized something...

I know it's hypocritically of me to say, but that is why I haven't posted in months. Which leads me to...


my post...


Being a kid who grew up in the suburbs, I don't think I could ever really complain about my life, and I wouldn't. I was watching ESPN and they were recounting all the ESPY Ashe awards from the previous years, and it was like deep. I couldn't believe how touching the stories were. It was like each one really made me realize, what's really important, and it made me realize, how influential and powerful people can be. I was disappointed, because the people that received the awards were nothing like me.

I feel like when I was growing up, I was always taught to play it safe, and don't take a big risk, if you don’t need to. Don't be foolish. Think about the future. It's not bad advice, to be smart with your decisions, and to actually use your brain. But it's also a very crippling way to be brought up. My fear of failure and not succeeding, no matter how tiny the victory (or defeat) leaves me paralyzed and afraid to pursue my actual hearts desire. I don't do what I WANT to do, I do what I’m expected to do. I think a lot of my decisions are based on what other people would think of them. As I was watching the ESPY special, I realized all these people that were deserving of the award, they were almost fearless (at least in my eyes) and all successful people are. I think the one of the hugest factors that separates truly successful people and others is their desire. I know that everyone has desire, but how much? I think ordinary people work towards a goal, and when they hit a failure, they realize, that things didn't work out the way they thought, and they had a good shot, but what can they do now? SUCCESSFUL people on the other hand don't stop at that point of failure and ridicule, instead, that's where they differentiate themselves from the rest of the people. How many people do you know are afraid to fail? I know it's my biggest fear, and I think my biggest fear. I remember hearing somewhere that the top 1% of the US owns 40% of the wealth in the country. When I first heard that, I thought, well it's because they are greedy, and selfish, and don’t' care about the poor, is that true? Are wealthy people really horrible people? Is it their sole purpose in life to spite those who aren't as well of as them, and to abuse those underneath them? I don't think so. I think the reason that 1% of the country has so much power and influence, is because that those same 1% have something that the rest of the 99% of the country doesn't have. I can't prove what it is, but I think you have a good idea of what it probably is...